Семя и друзья,
So because of the Syria bombing and
Russia's relationship with them, we received a text Saturday morning telling us
to go low cover until later notice, to take off our ties when on the streets,
to ignore and walk away if someone ask if we are Americans, and to lay back on
our finding activities. I worry about the possibility that turn more into
realities day by day, but I know God's kingdom will press forward no matter
what. We always have some lovely Russians who are very straightforward about
what they think about our church and us Americans. Like one of my favorites of
the week we were on a marshrootka and some nice babushka asked us what church
we were from and some grumpy older man yelled from the back "Who
called you here" and my companion who I love said back "a prophet of
God" and than he told us to go talk to our prophet then because they don't
want us here. we aren't even proselyting all we do is help people. My companion
and I were telling each other and making up missionary quotes as we were in bed
trying to fall asleep and it was hyping us so much that I fell out out of the
top of our bunk bed and all of a sudden we started working out and doing
pushups and burbys and stuff until we were able to let the hype out so we could
fall back asleep, it was so funny and much needed. We started this thing to
help us wake up in the morning where we go over to our window that looks over
the city and open it and look out and than one of us says something to pump us
up for the day.
It's been my hardest week. I try my
hardest to give my all to do everything right, I never stop studying, but I am
not getting anywhere. I feel so helpless and so stupid, I have lost all my
confidence. I can't seem to remember any Russian, and I've been on my mission
for over 5 months and I still can't understand what anyone is saying. I don't
know why this is so hard for me, I give it my all, and I work nonstop, even
though every time I open my mouth no one seems to understand me or they just
laugh, but I still try my hardest to talk to everyone I can. I want nothing
else more in the world but to be an instrument in God's hands to help these
people and their needs, I just want to be able to understand them so I can know
how to help them and share my testimony. It all started hitting me and I just
felt so low and helpless, my heart feels so heavy and I can't seem to stop
crying in my prayers, I try not to think about my struggles but only about my
investigators. I don't know why I can't seem to receive God's help in this, I
think he want's to break me down and humble me first, but I never would of
thought humbling would be this painful. I know that I am nothing, for as to my
own strength I am weak. I know that I need him every hour. I know that I don't
have the capacity to do this on my own. I know that I need him to raise me up.
I just want to help these people so bad, and I try to give them my all, but I
didn't think giving your all would drain you so much and hurt so bad. I try to
remember that God is trying really hard to break me down, and I need a lot of
breaking down, so he can build me up even stronger.
Elder Van
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